Say Yes to “I Don’t Know”
Uncertainty can become the building blocks for proactive steps in our lives if we’ll let it
My dad used to get frustrated when my younger brother and I wouldn’t speak our minds. He’d urge us to tell him what we wanted to eat or what we wanted to do. If a server made a mistake with our food order, he taught us to speak up and ask for the correct food as opposed to just dealing with it. I attribute a lot of my confidence and ability to request and seek to my father. Growing up, he asked both the necessary and unnecessary questions. I observed him making certain he got what he wanted. Like many parents do wanting the best for their children, he would even flare up in anger when he realized we were settling for less.
Sometimes the situation was awkward and I could get embarrassed. But those little moments of learning began laying the framework for boldness and identity. As I grew up and practiced self assurance, I adhered to a higher level of respect, entitlement, and confidence.
Whether that was academics, a relationship, faith, or a career, I cultivated a discipline to always know what I wanted. I lived inside a model of certainty and planning. I said “Yes” with assurance and “No” with conviction.
Because I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t, “I don’t know” became taboo and a sign of weakness. I tried to rationalize my doubts, but realized these were wounds that needed healing in my rationale. You could say this was my way of coping with instability in my family, but either way, I ignored them and became immoveable.
I acted accordingly to my rationale because that’s how I took each step in life. There wasn’t much uncertainty or veering off course. Life was consistent and even a bit boring.
Don’t get me wrong, I still had dreams. But I’d venture to say it’s not quite a dream if it’s within your reach. Instead of dreams I had “far-away-but-manageable goals.”
The interesting thing about people is that we don’t challenge dreams.
Have you ever heard someone say, “My dream is to play in the NBA,” and then have another person retort, “Hey, your dream is too small. Aim to become better than Michael Jordan!”
But that’s what happened in my life. Someone challeneged my dream when they asked, “What do you think God has in store for you?” That’s where I surrendered my first, “I don’t know…”
The beauty about those three simple words is the freedom it gives us. As much as it’s difficult and humbling to make this confession of uncertainty, it’s equally liberating. It’s our way of raising a white flag. Not against the world, our enemies, or anyone else — but a white flag to ourself. It’s a way to remind ourself that, “It’s okay not to have all the answers.” We give ourselves permission to be wrong, to fail, to risk, to venture, to strive, to try, to love, to fight, to pursue, to hope, to believe, and to really dream.
All the uncertainity we pressed down because it went against our principle of certainty we can let loose. We can scratch the itch of a passion. We might even become willing to fully take steps to put ourselves out in front of others instead of hiding.
The fear, however, is that when we’re no longer accountable to know everything, it may seem like a snag in front of others.
But guess what? The “Greats” of this world didn’t know they’d become people we remember. Sure, they had knowledge and know-how, but they also knew they wouldn’t give up. They knew who they were and lived by the principles that guided them. They knew every great victory came sacrifice. But none of them — none of them — knew how great they would become.
I wish each of us would give ourselves permission more often to say, “I don’t know.”
Are you certain you’ll like living there? I don’t know.Do you think you’ll be doing this forever? I don’t know.
Do you think she’s the right one for you? I don’t know.
Are you 100% sure your faith is the right one? I don’t know.
What about your business, will it work out? I don’t know.
You may not know how to get to where you’re going or who you’ll be when you arrive at your destination, but I’m hoping that doesn’t stop you from working towards it.
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